When the little one asked me something I've never been asked before...

I have spent the last 2 days really reflecting on WHY, WHY I decided to lose weight?, WHY I'm so passionate about nutrition, fitness and lifting heavy, WHY I wake up and go to sleep feeling motivated 99% of the time (YES I do have days where I struggle to feel any sort of motivation, although very rarely), WHY I chose to turn my passion into a career. All of this reflecting began from one simple yet powerful question that the little one (aka my lifting bestie Toozday) that I've never actually been asked before. "Why did I decide to lose weight?"

In the past Ive been asked "how?", but never "Why?", it really made me reflect on my journey, but more importantly how I used to feel before I began weight training. I had never actually looked back at photos of myself when I was at my biggest, until I was asked that question, as soon as I saw the first photo I instantly remembered the misery and discomfort that I used to feel. I was teaching English in China at the time, and I was a fussy eater at the best of times, so I lived off Mc Donald's, chips, biscuits (especially oreo's) and any other fast food I could get my hands on. I put on so much weight that my clothes no longer fitted and trying to find clothes that fitted in a country where the ladies were half the size of me was difficult. Before I'd gone away I had always gone to the gym and religiously spent over 2 hours a day, 7 days a week running on the treadmill until I burnt at least 1200kcals, so when I'd gone away the weight just piled on. I also suffer from a very sensitive digestive system that will cause bloating, gassiness and cramps from foods such as white bread, apples and foods high in sugar, so I was constantly uncomfortable. I used to drink alcohol almost daily to try and give myself that confidence that I always wanted, when I would drink I wouldn't care about how I looked or felt and I would become someone different for the night and I liked that. When I came home, I began to feel even more miserable and low, I would avoid going clothes shopping and going on nights out worried me because I was constantly bloated, gassy and couldn't find dresses that fitted both my upper body and lower body because I have always been top heavy.

Weight training has helped me change the way I feel about myself, I feel strong, I feel a fire that ignites this determination and the adrenaline I feel when I reach Personal Best's is crazy. Weight training has also introduced me to a community that motivates and inspires me everyday to be bigger and better in everything I do. I will speak in more depth about the fitness/bodybuilding community that I now feel a part of in a different blog.

I had been so focused on the here and now that I had forgotten about me before weight training and how my life has changed so drastically over the past 2 years and 2 months. I no longer hate the way I look, I no longer feel like I need alcohol to be someone that I'm not, I rarely get bloated and gassy, I now enjoy going clothes shopping, I feel body confident and a lot more focused in life. I have also met some special people, including the little one (Toozday) who motivates, understands my new lifestyle and makes me giggle daily. My lifestyle can be very difficult for some people to understand and accept, so when you meet people that just 'get it' because they have/do live it, it means everything.

People are often quick to judge, but I know how I felt at my biggest and when I would stuff my face with anything and everything. I don't really care if people think "I looked better bigger" or think I should "eat a pizza/burger" or a "proper meal," or I'm "too skinny" or I'm "wasting away" etc. I have learnt to let it go over my head because I now love my body and understand it so much better, and if we let other people's opinions affect us we would never do what makes us happy.

As a Personal Trainer I want to help other people to feel the same way as I do, motivated, strong, confident, healthy and happy. I have gotten so much from it myself that I want other's to experience that too.

This photo below is hard for me to look at, because I see what no-one else sees when I look at it, make what you wish of it, but this was me not long before I decided I didn't want to be unhappy anymore.

"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen." Michael Jordan.

I want to be someone that makes things happen instead of wishing for them to happen. I have no regrets so far because I always take chances and never let fear stop me.